We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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