i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
