Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
