People in love make me want to vomit
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
