Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
