pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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