I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
