That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
