im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
