I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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