Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize