mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
two words: eviction party
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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