considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
