How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
