you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
