she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
