Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
