Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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