did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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