So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
