All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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