Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
pop tarts are not kleenex
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
