I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
