those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
