Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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