If i come over, it means nothing
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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