I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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