Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
