evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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