hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
