Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
