My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
