Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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