My hair reeks of homosexuality.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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