I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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