My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize