just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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