My pussy is not your playground.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
