its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
