she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
