The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize