dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
