the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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