I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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