You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We talked him into tasing himself.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
