Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
