I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize