I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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