I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
