There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize