Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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