Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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