I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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