pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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