Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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