I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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