you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
