Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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