We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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