ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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