one might say we're banned from that church
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
