This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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