so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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