is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
