I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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