I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize