i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
