Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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