I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
