just come out here and I will go home with you...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
