On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
