I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
