I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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