If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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