She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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