It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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