just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
