He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
