we're blogging at a bar
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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