his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
