1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize