I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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