I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
