just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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