my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize