The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
