you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
