Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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