I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
